Shut Up Already: 7 Things Guys Must Get Over.

BY STEF

You want a happy relationship? You want a girlfriend? Even if you just want a hot girl to make you a sandwich and clean up after, this is something you should read.

Guys are always complaining about their women. Then there are the single guys who sit around and complain about “bitches” and wonder why they can’t find a good one.

I asked a few male friends what drives them nuts about women.   

These were the most popular answers.


        1. WE ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS

Yes, we are female. We ASK QUESTIONS. It helps us figure shit out, so we can plan accordingly. So we can be ready for anything. Would it kill you to just answer these questions? Because I guarantee they will benefit you in the end.

Ex.:

Lila: “What time are you going to play poker with the guys?”

Kurt: “Soon.”

Lila: “Do you know around what time that will be?”

Kurt: “After lunch.”

Lila:  “‘Til what time, Kurt?”

Kurt: “I don’t know, woman?!? Why do you always ask so many questions?”

Lila [now pissed]: “Argh...Forget it, Kurt!”

Kurt thinks Lila is asking way too many questions. But little does he know, she’s only asking him this because she wants to plan her day. She wants to know if she has enough time to buy something sexy, pick up some groceries and make an amazing dinner for him, plus have time to shave and have a glass of wine before he gets back.

But nooo, Kurt fucked it up!

2. WE SAY ONE THING, WE MEAN ANOTHER

Alright, I’ll admit it, we do this. A lot. This is a tricky one, because even the best girls sometimes can’t explain why they do this to you. But sometimes there’s a good reason for it.

One of my girlfriends was recently in bed with her boyfriend having sex. Everything was going great until it wasn’t. He couldn’t keep a steady rhythm and she was getting tired of having to tell him what to do. She couldn’t focus, but she didn’t wanna hurt his feelings. So she told him to just go ahead and finish.

“Are you sure?” he asked quickly.

“Ya, ya, it’s fine.”

So he finished.
And she was pissed. He couldn’t understand why she was mad…I mean, she said it was FINE.

That right there, guys, is a no-brainer. I don’t think I’m blowing the lid off a big secret by telling you that when you have sex with a woman, she wants to get off just as much as you do.
Put in the work or buy her a vibrator.

Our kind will never stop saying one thing and meaning another, but you knowing that the word “FINE” is a red flag, is your first lesson.

3. BOYS AND GIRLS CAN BE FRIENDS

Ok. We have guy friends. And we love them. Just because you’re not friends with anyone you wouldn’t bang, doesn’t mean we can’t be. For girls, male friends are safe bets.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” 

We get compliments from these guys, treated nicely pretty much unconditionally. Every chick will benefit from having guys in her life she doesn’t have sex with. And you need to stop being jealous and see it for the gift it truly is. Imagine your girlfriend going to hang out with her male friend. She talks his ear off about her girl problems, then comes home to you.  Not only do you get some free time while she’s gone, but she gets allllllllll her talking out before she gets home.

4.  WE LIKE PORN TOO

Ok, so maybe this one is one of our complaints.  But it’s something you need to get over and get INTO.

Every girl’s dated that guy who deletes his porn history after he watches it.

Here’s a little secret, you’re not very good at hiding it. Because, we know how much you enjoy viewing the  “double creampie.” And though that’s not our thing, we actually do want to watch porn with you. Especially since your 6-minute attempt at giving us an orgasm followed by chicken wings and Mike Rowe just isn’t cutting it lately. 

5. WE STRESS OVER OUR BODIES

No matter how hot you think we are, there are probably 2-5 things we dislike about our bodies at any given time. These things we hate are interchangeable. One day it could be our eyeliner and ass.  The next it could be armpit tank-top fat, smudgy nail polish and frizzy hair.

It all depends on a very wide range of elements. Which includes but is not limited to: our available wardrobe, prep time, humidity level, stomach fat, contents of last meal, horoscope, moon cycle, menstrual cycle and what magazine we read that day.

6. WE KEEP TOO MUCH JUNK IN THE SHOWER

This one kills me.

YES, we DO need 3 bottles of shampoo, 2 bottles of conditioner, 1 loofah, 1 pedicure volcano rock, one facial exfoliant, 1 mud mask and 3 different razors in the shower.
You want us to look hot? Well this is what it takes.
You think it takes up too much room? Well who cleans the fuckin’ bathroom?
Who wipes your pubes up the one, maybe two, times a season you trim your fucking hedge?

And don’t get us started on electrolysis, microdermabrasion and brazilian bikini waxes.

You want a smokin’ hot woman? At the very least, get a friggin’ shower caddy.

IS THIS what’s stopping you from getting laid everyday? REALLY, though?

7.  PMS

Yup. You hate it. Well guess what…So do we! Ya! Surpise, fuck! We HATE that shit too! And those new sarcastic tampon commercials you see on tv…are only the tip of the iceberg.

We can all agree on one thing. Periods fucking suck.

You remember that time you asked me to go kayaking and I said no? It’s not cause I’m “high maintenance,” which is what you told your friends.  It’s because I didn’t want to see my tampon expand like on tv commercials while I’m stuck in a mawfuckin’ kayak, BRO.

Everyone hates periods. And yes, we’re GONNA be “see-you-next-tuesdays” for up to one week a month. And we’re soooo happy we have you around to remind us of that. 

Smart guys benefit from this monthly week from hell.  They play their cards right, act extra nice, and are the proud recipients of Grade A blowjobs for an entire week. 'Cause on top of being bitchy, girls get really horny on their periods.

Just saying. A week of beeges…it doesn’t have to be a daydream.

So just have a little extra patience with us sometimes. Imagine the reward! God, we see you put more effort into your fantasy football pools!