Chad joins Plenty of Fish

BY CHAD Alright, I’m going to tell it how it is. It seems there’s no other way to slice it – internet dating is weird.  In this article I plan to go over the ins and outs of how Plenty of Fish works and how it may or may not be right for you (most likely not, you pathetic little bastard).

 Just Like Applying For Welfare

Not that I’ve ever applied for welfare but I’m sure the process is just as humiliating. It’s pretty basic – fill out a profile of the kinds of things you like and what you’re looking for and then you’re ready to start fishing. It goes without saying that posting a picture will get you more hits than not posting one at all. Similarly, the quality of said picture and how good you look in it will also help determine who might come-a-knockin’.

For me, I just threw up the picture that I had on my facebook page – nothing difficult and nothing complicated (I wasn’t going to go out of my way to impress – what I believed to be – a bunch of hogs who couldn’t find anyone in the real world). When they prompted me to write a little bit about myself I told them the truth – just a dude who likes beer and tattoos and music, that’s it, that’s all (yeah, I don’t blame broads for not wanting me either). So overall, the application process is pretty simple; you could be out there scoping your future husband/wife or stage 5 in no time.

Plenty Of Fish In The Sea

I went in with very low expectations and didn’t expect to find anyone or anything of value out there. I figured that all the broads on this website would just be a bunch of poor, pathetic pigs that couldn’t get a date in the real world. So before going ahead with this idea I told myself that I wouldn’t message any of the girls I saw on plenty of fish and that if they wanted it, they’d have to come and get it.

 I’ll be the first to say that I did nowhere near as well as Stef did. I think we’d talked about it once over the coarse of the week and she’d had far more hits than I’d had – but I’ll blame that on the aggressiveness of horny dudes and not whether or not girls liked my mug. I guess I got some decent hits – the cool thing about plenty of fish is that you can see everyone who’s looked at your profile (sort of like catching some broad staring at you from across the bar). As for messages, I’d say that girls generally wait for dudes to make the first move. I got a couple messages from girls but nothing worth pursuing beyond the internets.

 A Whale Of A Tale

 Overall, the quality of girls on plenty of fish wasn’t too bad. I know I said that I’d went in with low expectations but at some points I was surprised at how cute the broads could be. Once or twice I was even awestruck and couldn’t figure out why some of these girls would be on a dating site. But then it hit me – bitch got the angles.

Now for those of you who don’t know, the angles are a technique that girls use to hide qualities that they don’t like about themselves. If you’ve ever seen the typical emo picture with the birds eye view and the heavy bangs then you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes girls are trying to hide their weight – lady might have a few extra pounds that she wants to hide (hey I’m not judging, I’m a chubby chaser at heart). Sometimes girls don’t have such pretty faces – don’t be fooled, the angles can fix that too.

Now let’s just pretend for a second that I wasn’t so superficial (pfft, yeah right). Why couldn’t I find a girl on plenty of fish that I could connect with? After reading through a bunch of profiles and finding that girls apparently like a dude with tattoos, I thought I’d have been a shoe-in. But here’s where I think things went wrong.

 I completely fessed up to being a drunk and (probably) an asshole. I figure the girls on plenty of fish are there because they can’t do the bar scene and the bar scene is my scene. I have nothing in common with these girls and that’s fine with me. If internet dating works for you then that’s all fine and dandy – I never gave it a serious shot anyway. There’s something in my brain that just can’t handle courtship over the internet and that’s why you’ll never catch me on an eharmony commercial.