Stef joins Plenty of Fish

BY STEF

Online dating. What just popped in your head when I said that?

It was probably a mixture of mockery and maybe partial shame for ever having thought “Maybe I should check it out…”

So in order to save you the embarrassment, dear friends, we've decided to pick this as a topic for our blog.  We sign up for plentyoffish.com (‘cause it’s free) and decide to stick to it for one week. 

Using our REAL names, REAL locations, and REAL information.

The Pre-Game Warm Up

Before even starting the application, I already feel anxiety. Online dating is some kinda huge taboo in life. Right up there with Comic Con and butt sex. But I digress.

So as I'm googling the website, I start thinking about the horror stories from AMW.

The stalkers, the people with checkered pasts, the fake profiles…

Some people must use it sincerely, though, right?  So then, why don’t we hear the good stories about online dating?

 “Because no one wants to admit how they met. It’s the inside joke of the online dating world,” says my friend Jillian,  an Outdoor Rec. & Leisure student from Brock University who has tried the site.

And she’s exactly right. I have never met a couple who said they met online.

It’s the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” of the eharmonys of the world.

Ugh. I can't believe I have to use this site for a week. 

Here we go.  Now I feel like I pretty much have a tshirt on that says “I really am that desperate.”

The first thing I see on the homepage is this:

“We've been on magazine covers featured in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, The Today Show, CNN, FOX and hundreds of others."

 Ok..so this site is endorsed by CNN and FOX. This is starting off great.

Then it asks me to choose a username. I freeze in panic. I definitely don’t want to put my real name, considering I'm about to be posting my friggin' picture on it for all of Cornwall to see. They might even think I'm one of them!

I start silently cursing Chad too because he gets to put Waterloo as his current city.

The Plenty of Fish homepage goes on to say:

"But the vast majority of you hear about us because your friends have had a really good experience using our site.”

Um, nooo actually, that's nowhere near being true.

But oh well, here goes nothing. 

The Application Process

It all starts with a chemistry test. Like most girls I know, I like a good quiz so I start answering seriously. And then it just goes on. And on. And I just start wizzin' through the answers.

So I get this whole report on the kind of person Plenty of Fish thinks I am. They judge me based on five things.

Self-Confidence

Family Orientation

Self-Control.

Openness

Easygoingness (which actually is a word, I checked)

Sorry, but, if you can't assess your own self on based on that criteria, then it makes perfect sense as to why you'd join this website.

Rusty Tin Cans & the Plastic Rings That Held Them...

...izz what I found in the Sea. And sure, there are plenty of fish, alright.  Guppies.

After deciding on a username that was light and as PG as possible as to ward off any pervs, I decided on Sunlover26. 

Well, I start getting all these messages. What do I doooo? Luckily my friend Jill whom I mentioned earlier gave me a couple tips about navigating the site. When you click on a thumbnail of someone, that person finds out you looked at their profile, suggesting you could be remotely interested in them. On the flipside, you can see exactly who checked you out.

In my short week on the site here are some of the messages I received from dudes.

“ hi there ,ok this may seem a little

forward and

im sorry

for thatyuy

I am a amature photographer thats

looking to

expand my knowledge of portrait and

human photography, i just stumbled

across

your profile and you have such amazing

features that i would love to take your

pictur”

Ya, OK buddy.

Another one:

“Go on cam for me.”

This guy is clearly out of his Jules Verne mind cause I am 20 000 leagues above him.

Then there's white-haired Francois, in a cowboy hat, who thought he was being funny when he wrote:


"Hello, special from the gerant this week.. 155pounds of pure me, only 1,79$pnd...
Most try with red wine, and sea foods..."

GAG.

But my absolute favourite message of the week was:

"I am just wondering if chatting with an older married man is totally out of the question for you?"

WOWWWW. I told him he should probably see what his wife thought about it. Wahhh, this guy was definitely a straight shooter!

I couldn’t imagine wanting to meet up with someone on this site, but I have a friend who used it before. I asked my friend Jamie what type of people she met.

“Desperate people,” she said, laughing. “I used it 'cause I was a stay at home mom. It was convenient for me but you meet fuckin weirdos. They’re usually always weirdos.”

Jamie, now married, went on to tell me about someone she met online. She starts laughing:

“His name was Patrick. We went out on a date. He ended up running up and down a raccoon ten times, while I was in the passenger seat…I’m FRRREAKING out. It was our first date.”

We kept talking about the type of people you meet online and I will admit, there appears to be somewhat normal people who join. Just not many.

Catch of the day

Although I am single, I discovered I’m not really looking for a soulmate online. We all want to find the right person, but there is something just really unnatural about pursuing a partner on the net. I mean, you go online to find a pair of shoes. Or to pay a bill. Not to get a boyfriend. So why do people continue to join?

My friend Jill said:

 “In one day you lock eyes with one guy, maybe two guys max. You get a casual smile and nothing will ever come of it. Whereas, on Plenty of Fish it’s like everyday you go on. Eight new people just looked at you in an hour. So then it’s like,'I’m hot, yeah I’m hot.'"

So now, as I retire my Plenty of Fish jersey (for life hopefully), I have this to say: if you wanna use it, use it. But if you wanna wade through a lot of the crap, sign up for a site you pay a monthly fee for. Yeah, you’re gettin’ robbed, but there are probably less pigs.