Nice Shoes, Wanna Fuck?

BY CHAD
Dudes and broads have some very different opinions about what looks good. There are some things that girls wear that absolutely drive guys wild. At the same time though, girls can wear some pretty ridiculous things that make us either want to laugh out loud or puke. In this article I plan to shed some light on what guys like to see and what we have a problem getting behind when it comes to broads and their clothing.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

Guys love a girl in tights. This shouldn’t come as a surprise since the very name of this article of clothing implies everything that guys are into when it comes to girls. So lets take this idea and run with it. Tights, body suits, those new lacey shirts that girls wear that are pretty much see through – all of them, bangin’, love it, keep it up ladies. Also, short shorts and sundresses – keep ‘em comin’ and keep my world looking beautiful. Low cut shirts and bright colours? sweet.  But here’s where the problem lies: girls wearing clothes that are out of season or improper fitting, my fucking lord this isn’t going to make me any friends…

Ugg Boots In May, June, July and August

I think this beef is pretty self-explanatory. I don’t mind Uggs in the middle of winter or even a chilly fall day but whenever it’s 25 degrees out and you’re sporting your Uggs with short shorts or a mini skirt then something isn’t clicking in your brain and I can tell. Also, if you’re going to wear your boots out of season, at least wash the salt stains off of them before llamas start nipping at your heels.

Crocs (Anytime)

Just because your purple crocs match your purple shirt doesn’t make them a good idea. Personally, I think you look like Barney. I get that they might be comfortable and you might not have gotten your toes done in months but there are better ways to cover up your witch feet than these silly articles of footwear.

Wool Socks With Anything In The Summer

This might seem like a good idea if you expect to get stranded in the fucking Himalayas on your way to the mall but for Christ’s sake you’re not a mountaineer and El Nino isn’t going to happen over night. Just like your Uggs, stash your big socks away for the summer months - and god help you if you think its okay to wear them with your sandals because you’re just running to the store for a minute. Retard.

Rain Boots (Without The Rain)

This one is a bit tough. A lot of the times I see broads in rain boots and I think it’s pretty cute – sort of makes me want to go splash around in puddles with them and then buy them some ice cream. But when the sun is shining and it’s 32 degrees out and I see you in your rain boots I start to wonder. I get that it hasn’t rained all that much this year but just deal with the luck of the draw and opt not to wear your wellies. It makes you look like a crazy broad and it makes me not want to sit by you on the bus. I’m sure there’s more condensation inside your boots than there is outside.

High-Waisted Cotton Skirts

I really don’t know any other name for these things besides calling them straight up ugly. They’re pretty much a combination of a skirt and a pair of gym shorts and they look just fucking awful. I firmly believe there is no way to make this garment look good to a male without giving it a beer pouch and making it see-through.

High-Waisted Jeans

There exists an article of clothing that blurs the lines between a normal pair of jeans and a pair of farmer’s overalls. This article is the high-waisted jean and it looks terrible. These pants aren’t flattering to the body in any sense and it looks like you’ve been swallowed by a denim python. So do us all a favour and save these things for the farm unless you want to look like a real barnyard animal.

Granny Panties

I know we shouldn’t be looking but sometimes it’s just right there in front of our eyes. Granny panties have to be one of the funniest ways to turn a guy off. Sporting these things is like waving the white flag of your sex life – you give up. Regardless of whether or not you mean to show them, they’re there and we’ll probably notice when you bend over. Do yourself a favour in this case and opt for something with a bit more sex appeal. A little goes a long way, if you know what I mean.

Disclaimer

Alright, so I know I’ll probably catch some flak for some of these things so allow me to explain a little bit. Some girls can pull of some of these things – I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions to the rules. Also, I’m sure some of the ladies will say that it’s not all about impressing guys. Sometimes girls wear things to look pretty and comfortable with themselves and other girls. That’s all fine and dandy – great for you, them, whoever. But when it comes to dudes, this is what’s up, this is my opinion and it’s all I can offer.