I missed the bus, and it is somethin' I will never ever do again.

BY STEF

Ohhhh the bus.

I am broke ass, so I ride the Cornwall express.  It’s a cakewalk compared to busses in any big city. But I have noticed there are different categories of people who ride the bus with me.  And they are…


1. Retards.

Allow me to clarify. I DO NOT consider people who are developmentally challenged to be “retards.’

No.

To me, “retards” (or “ruh-tards”) are people who are CAPABLE but REFUSE to act like human beings. Like people who know they should shower every day and wash their clothes, but don’t do it.

Last time I was on the bus, this gross, beyonnnnd stinky man sat in fronta me. I started holding my breath. Did not work.

Then I put on lip gloss so I could smell that instead. Useless effort. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I moved spots! And I felt bad because I didn’t want to insult him, buttttttt, change your underwear, fuck!

2. The people who get off the bus at Wal-Mart (self-explanatory) 


3. Loud dumb moms

This should’ve been number one. These are the WORST people you will come across on Cornwall Transit. First of all they haul their trashy asses onto the bus with 2-5 youngins. One kid always whizzes past everyone and goes right to the back. Then, loud dumb mom opens her her loud dumb mom mouth:

“NIIIIIIICHOLASSSSS!!  GET OVER HERE AND SIT WITH YOUR SISTER NEVEAH!” (yes, we know…it’s 'Heaven' spelled backwards, your kid’s definitely gonna make it.)

So the kids sit down and the bus driver keeps goin’.  Then the kids start looking out the window and playing in their seats and of then outta nowhere the loud dumb mom goes offfff and tells the kids she’ll slap them. 

Cause that’s effective.

4. The Ipod generation

Ahh these people are my favourite. First of all they shower regularly. Second, I am always curious to know what they’re listening to…sometimes people get really into it and they kinda sway to the beats. It's bus culture.


5.Front seaters

These are regulars who have become best friends with the bus drivers. They sit in the closest available seat to the bus driver. In my town, these (often special) passengers consist mostly of retired grampas, people who wear funny ballcaps, and divorcees.

I'm taking the bus tomorrow. 

(Cwick here fo' some Kwiss Kwoss)